WHAT-er?! (a disaster)

Do I have to say it twice?

"Water!" yes, water. What about it?

So I had this crazy-idea(believe me it was crazy), flashing before my eyelids a thousand times, when my mom just finished constructing our mini turtle pond. It has always been an unreachable dream for me to have a project involving water. I always wanted to create my own water photoshoot. The idea sounded bells in my ears. 

My plan was to  put on a net-like make up and just dive and shoot. And so, I thought it was as easy as dive and shoot but I didn't know the troubles I had to face. Water was not my element and it wasn't that cooperative too.The best idea turned into worst.

I should have taken precautions and think less as a fish. In the first place I was born as a human being, no scales, gills and fins. I had a false confidence on being a fish in my past life. And yes! I have to say and type it twice, "WHAT-er! WATER!"

After the shoot I had my earinfection. I hear things as if I was in a cave. The worst part, I think the bacterias/dirt in the water reached my brain. It's giving me headaches and paranoia. I can't even breathe through my nostrils. It's all clogged up and I feel a  pinch  everytime I try.

NO MORE WATER FOR ME! this was not a good idea at all(I didn't even have good outputs with the photos. But it's better to have outputs where you can learn and improve. right? (or I'm just saying this to make myself feel better?).

Outputs of the said shoot, below:

"Look! A pufferfish"

Do fishes have white underfins?

I look gay here

I don't think fishes need volumized eyelashes.

Painting a Round face

Here I am again wasting my time in front of my laptop screen, trying to call out to no one. Yet, here I find comfort. I try to write the things which I cannot say in reality. I have found this new world of technology as a releasing ground. It is the perfect place for me to express things that are left unsaid.

We all know that humans are made relative. We are made and designed to communicate. Indeed, through this sharing of thoughts, feelings and knowledge we made things fair for all. We learn to compromise and defend for ourselves.

But for me, this goes in a downward spiral-staircase. I cannot communicate effectively which sorts me into the "factory defect" category. I do feel at times when I cannot stand my grounds and speak up for myself that I am unworthy to be called a human being. This is when life for me is hard and unfair.

Having a place like this, where I can speak and share without hesitations or fears, I feel like a dignified being. As part of sharing, I have learn to express myself at the tip of my brush.

(Photos used here are some recent arts on my thoughts and feelings on Bipolar Disorder.)

"My life is framed on two extremes, mania and depression."

Happiness is like a burst of color. While depression is nothing but a sunken corpse.

No more love songs but bitter memories

 My heart blooms into a thousand blossoms. I sleep and I dream of you, wishing you had stayed. Now all I do is believe in love songs wondering if we could still have that I love you.

If second chances were true then could there be  possibly you and me...

We planted this seed together and watch it grow and blossom. But now as the petals unfold I wished again that I set aside my pride.  

Thinking "what if" I had trapped you inside. It is to selfish for me to think of. But be it so if otherwise I had to spend my lifetime dreaming of you from afar.

Wish you could still hear me now, wish you still have the seed. If I could lure you with my scent, if I could just make you want me again. I wish I have never let go of you. It was those sweet memories that brings tears to my eyes. Regret comes knocking on my door telling me that "alone" was not my comfort.

 Painting my face with a broken smile, I wish you could come back and fix things that we left broken.


Now I'm just a lonesome flower hanging on walls, waiting to wither. Until I fade into my grey colors, I would still believe that you'd come back and bring colour once again into my life.

I could have loved you more, I could have loved you better, but time didn't favor us. The God's disagreed and space parted us. Words didn't mean as they used to. Love didn't sound the way it caresses our hearts.

We've been used as puppets to play a part which has been set before us. To love, to fall in love, to fall out of it. If puppets could only talk by themselves I'd request for the scriptwriter to change our faiths. 

If I could row the boat alone, I would for the two us. But there is nothing I can do if you wouldn't get in the ride, there is nothing I can do on a one-sided love.

 I know "together" is an impossible dream for the two of us. Only the memory of "us" remains. No more love songs for us, but only bitter memories to ache my heart.












(Spontaneous writing. It's off the hook. Never thought words would come out as I type them down. No drafts at all. NO specific subject described.)

NOTE: Does anyone know the name of the pink flower I used on the photos? It's been growing on our garden and it resembles cadena de amor(coral vine). please do tell me or comment it below. THANKS IN ADVANCE. :)

❤Tadz

If you could read my eyes

I still miss you. I still wander in my sleeps. I keep asking how you're doing, if you're doing fine, or if I ever cross your mind. I still wear the ring and will hold long to it as long as you're still there for me too. Out of my hopeless cries, I wish to meet you again.

Time wasn't on our side. Even though you were willing to give up everything for me I wouldn't let you drown with me. We were together on the same boat. But I had to jump out for the water was rough. It wasn't strong for the two of us. I had to leave. But always be reminded that I love you more than you'll ever know.

 

❤Tadz